Her Blacklist
by KissAMonster
Summary: This story is set earlier in their lives. And it is her who has a list of people she wants to take revenge on. One of them is the FBI Most Wanted Nr. 4. and she is close of finally catching him. / AU & Lizzington
1. Chapter 1

_A/N_: I don't own NBC's _The Blacklist_ or any of the characters, sadly.

* * *

_**Her**_** Blacklist ~ Chapter One**

* * *

She was crouching behind a burning car. The flames were licking hungry at the tires and seats, causing her to cough and squeeze her eyes shut. The smoke was frightening and it forced her to freeze. Too many bad memories layed within the smell.

Close by she heard gun fire and two explosions going off and she worried about losing her orientation. The ringing in her ears was getting louder and louder and her hands were shaking as they embraced her gun. It was smeared with blood that had dripped from her cheek.

She had fled and hid when the first half of her task force was blown away by a bomb, which had been placed under the floor in the first building they had stormed. She had barely made it out. Bullets had been penetrating the windows from above and the four agents flanking her had dropped dead beside her almost simultaneously. And if she was honest, she had difficulty believing she would survive herself, as less and less of her team members were responding over the headset to her.

She watched the scene around her with caution and saw two figures dressed in black on the roof of the warehouse. But it was hard to tell which side they fought for. She had never expected being outnumbered when she had given the command to attack the building. It was supposed to be easy once she had tracked him down. Because finding him was the hard part, it said in his files. And the trap had been perfect. At least at first.

* * *

„_Agent Keen, do you understand the importance of this operation?" The assistant director was not in a good mood. She could tell by the grim lines around his wrinkled eyebrows as he let his glance run over her papers. _

„_Sir, I don't think there is anyone in the entire FBI who wants to capture him more than I do." She said as calm as she could. It was important he understood that she could separate her personal involvement from the opportunity to catch the number 4 on the list._

„_You believe he killed your father?" But he knew it wasn't just a belief. It was the reason she had joined the FBI; the reason she was so much better than other trainees. She had combed the planet for every piece of information regarding her family and the tragedy that occurred when she was just a child._

„_Isn't that why you chose me?" _

_The man in front of her was mulling over his next words. The matter was delicate after all. „You were not the first choice; believe me, given your young age. But having lost seven fine agents within the last five years of uncovering his crime ring, I don't have many options anymore." It was true. She was only 27 and far from ready to be leading a team. He sighed and framed absently his name sign on the desk with his finger. In black letters 'Cooper' was printed after the official title. He lifted his eyes towards her. "The truth is: the more trained and experienced our agents have been, the earlier they were killed or disappeared. Somehow Reddington is always a step ahead of us and anticipates our moves. I need someone who thinks outside of the box, someone who hasn't protocol down to a T yet." _Someone who questioned official procedures like nobody else_, she added in her mind._

„_You read that I'm applying to become a profiler?" It was not official yet._

_He eyed her again, and then leaned back into his seat. „I know you have a personal goal and your resume is impressive so far. But chasing after Reddington comes with certain strings. One of them is not to know what to expect." She knew his words were a code for something else._

„_I was told that all Most Wanted hunts are basically suicide missions."_

_He squared his shoulders and looked intimidating somehow. „You go down deep into the rabbit hole. We have undercover agents working with you who will try to insert themselves into his business. But you have to be focused all the time. You will be the head of the operation."_

_She nodded once. „I understand Sir. And I won't let you down." She was nervous and excited and somehow proud of herself. It all seemed to fall into place somehow. _

„_Very well." He said and got up from his chair. "Here are the files on his last whereabouts." She took the folder and shook his hand. "Congratulations Agent Keen on becoming Reddington's new case agent."_

* * *

Her breathing was heavy now. She would be the eighth assigned agent dying right in front of the Concierge of Crime, if she didn't break loose from the rest of the task force and search for him to put a bullet between his eyes. The game had changed half an hour ago. Arresting was protocol; killing him a necessity, if she wanted to live.

"Unit 3, can you hear me? Unit 3, please report." She tried to get in contact with her team once more, speaking into the microphone attached to her ear. "Unit 3, can you hear me?"

There were crunching noises on the other end as she pressed the receiver closer to her eardrum. Then changed the channel. "Unit 4, what is your current position?", and heard nothing at first. Then three shots went off.

"Johnson, Morrison, are you there?" Appalled she called out. But the line was dead. No sound at all.

"Shit." Liz cursed and her voice was wavering; her pulse hammering restless away inside her neck. It was hard for her to stay focused when everything around her seemed to fall apart. And she knew there was no more back-up coming. In order to find Reddington they had gone invisible. And not just to him, to the FBI as well.

She swallowed as the bitter taste of bile filled her mouth. The whole mission was depending now on her alone. So she cleared the area and crawled away from the car, which started collapsing under the heavy flames and smoke. She needed to find a way to the airfield. Reddington would make sure to escape by his plane.

So she ran across the first lane, west from an old bunker that was still under attack. Nobody had seen her, she was sure. The battle was intense and she heard muffled bullets as they hit their target and screams filled the air. And she had to suppress the tears of failure stinging right behind her eyes, knowing that her team was lost. Nobody would survive, she knew; and if they did, they would be targets no less. With Raymond Reddington there were no loose ends. He kept his house clean and nothing ever traced back to him.

She braced herself for the next sprint and loaded her gun with a new magazine, just in case. The airplane was approximately a quarter mile away and it was likely she could be detected. So she looked to her left and looked to her right, carefully scanning all corners. Once more she closed her eyes very tight, her muscles flexing under her skin. Then she opened them, ready to pounce…and was met with a riffle pointed straight at her face.

* * *

_tbc…_


	2. Chapter 2

_A/N:_ I don't own NBC's _The Blacklist_ or any of the characters. The reviews have been lovely. Thank you so much &amp; keep them coming. ;)

* * *

_**Her **_**Blacklist**** ~ Chapter 2**

* * *

There was punch. Or she thought there had been one; she couldn't quite remember. She only felt the pain of her face swelling and was sure about a bruise already forming around her right eye. Her hands were tied behind her back and she was being pushed forwards roughly. A woman, slightly older than her, was threatening her with the riffle held to her neck as they walked into one of the storage facilities close to the airstrip.

"Look what I found outside." She said in a heavy British accent as they stopped in front of a small gathering of fine dressed men deep in conversation.

The whispering stopped immediately and it was _him_ who first met her eyes. The one she had wanted to find. Cream suit and vest, grey tie and fedora, composed yet alerted and a little bit annoyed, despite the smug smile.

Raymond Reddington, also referred to as 'Red' by his enemies, furrowed his eyebrows and took a step closer. The other men in the group meanwhile minded their own business for he was to decide what would happen to the intruder.

She looked him straight in the eyes. It was the first time she saw him up close. He was in his mid forties but looked quite young. He had a buzz cut and a sharp defined face. His eyes however told a story of age: they were wise and cautious, yet vivid and alive. He had seen the worst but seemed comfortable with it.

She knew from his files that he was ruthless and she knew what to expect from him. But she didn't cower as he tilted his head and found amusement in her pride. "Agent Keen, what a pleasure." He purred far too casual as he scanned her from head to toe with his eyes. "It is true then, the FBI now does send their ducklings into the game. Harold must be desperate."

It took her by surprise that he knew about her. Officially her identity had been sealed.

Red turned around and addressed the group of men. "Gentlemen, I would like to introduce you all to somebody." He smiled and pointed at her with his hand. "This is my stunningly attractive new case agent Elizabeth. A pleasure to the eyes, but intolerably persistent. She has been tailing me for weeks now."

Then, within a second of a heartbeat, he produced a gun right under her jaw pointing upwards towards her brain. "Unfortunately…" he spoke close to her face in a deep but deadly voice. "… she is also the reason we got disturbed in our business meeting."

She swallowed and could feel the tiny hair in her neck raise as a slight tremble shook through her bones. She was afraid, yet couldn't close her eyes. His face was impassive as he taunted her to make a wrong move. "Your team slaughtered three of my best men."

She felt the cold steel pressing further into her skin. "My entire task force is dead." She hissed at him and tried to squirm away from the gun.

"Well, you should have considered my associates having their own security when you decided to invade this area like a hoard of teenage paintball players." He said calmly. "The bombs were Lorca's people." And he pointed with his head towards a sleazy looking Italian who motioned slicing off her head with his fingers. Reddington smiled at her. "Skipped the tactic class in Quantico, didn't you?"

"Raymond!" A voice interrupted the scene. "We have to leave. The police will arrive soon."

Liz saw an African looking, tall and very muscular guy approaching the two of them from the hall. He was carrying several weapons and had blood spatter across his white shirt.

Red relieved her a bit from the pressure of his gun and nodded towards the man. "Dembe, pack our things and get the plane ready. I'll be finished here in a minute."

Then his attention was back on her. He could detect the silent fear that was bleeding out of her. It was mere minutes left for her, being allowed to breathe. And he knew that she knew and narrowed his eyes. "Meera, check if she is wired." Of course he'd think she had called in the SWAT. And if she had, it might have saved her life.

She closed her eyes for a moment as the Indian woman started to pat her down. And while she opened her jacket and unbuttoned her blouse at the top to look for cables attached to her skin, Reddington charged his revolver by putting the bullets one after another into the barrel.

"You know, it's a real shame." His expression was business-like as he spoke of her execution. He didn't get attached, not even to his choices. He was life and death with one simply flick of the security lock on his gun. "You've got potential."

There were no hidden wires or microphones. The headset together with her gun was destroyed. But regardless the woman continued exploring her pockets. A 20 dollar bill, a pin, her ID, a flashlight and a folded piece of paper was all she found and she placed the items onto a table next to them. "That's it. She's clear."

Red eyed the contents, lowered his weapon and went through her belongings. "So, nobody is listening as we speak then. Smart move. Or not." He shrugged and opened the flashlight. It was a usual tool, no hidden blades or tracking devices. A short glance at her badge, before he picked up the paper.

"No." She said but he had already started reading.

"What's this?" His brows lifted and he looked at her sharply.

"Nothing." It was barely a whisper.

He laughed. "Oh it certainly is something. It has my name on it. And I hold place one, I might add."

Her lips were sealed and she bit her cheek from inside. It didn't matter anyway now, did it? So she took a deep breath to calm herself before she stared directly into his eyes. "It's the list of people who are responsible for the murder of my family."

"A Blacklist?" He stated. And then his mimic got calculating as he studied her features carefully. And the seconds ticked by one by one. "Who are you?"And it sounded like an accusation. He didn't like secrets, only cherished his own.

Anger rose inside of her, coloring her cheeks in a feverish red. "I'm Samuel Milhoan's daughter. And you are the bastard who murdered my father!" She spat with venom in her voice and struggled against the restrains, that were slowly cutting their way into her wrists. It cost the woman all the strength she had to keep her in place and away from Red.

And like a spark lighting a fire, his eyes began to glow and something like apprehension was written in them. "You're Sam's little girl?" He swallowed hard. He truly must remember his victims, she thought. Maybe not all murders, but her father's was bloody. "You're Lizzie?"

* * *

_tbc…_


	3. Chapter 3

_A/N:_ I don't own NBC's _The Blacklist_ or any of the characters. Thank you folks for all the lovely reviews and sorry for not updating earlier.

* * *

_**Her**_** Blacklist**** ~ Chapter 3**

* * *

She just nodded. And was confused with the sadness coloring his voice. Sorrow mingled with his smile. "You were so little, when…" the sentence trailed off. "Your surname was Scott around that time."

"I married." She replied, still taken aback that he seemed to know her. She watched him circle her with interest.

"You fixed your records." He finally said with a mix of praise and disapproval. It was true, the FBI knew not all the details. And whatever source he had to look her up, didn't know either.

She replied nothing, just pressed her lips together. It was uncomfortable under his stare.

"Keen…, Keen, Keen," he muttered to himself. "The FBI psychologist who got shot in a robbery?" and he smiled a bit. For what reason stayed his secret.

Her answer was simple. "Yes." It still hurt to think of the night Tom had died. It was almost two years but it kept haunting her in her sleep, like the flames and the burning doll as her home caught on fire. Those pictures were always present for she witnessed everything.

Raymond Reddington shook his head from left to right in thoughts. "Sam's daughter chasing after me." And snickered.

She was left with questions. Where was the joke? Surely on her, as she would share her father's fate. "What is so funny?!" she spat at him. Anger trumping her fear. She despised her curiosity on what he had to say.

And he halted in his mimic. "Oh nothing, just…" Then seemed to change his mind midsentence. "Just…You. Your quest." And opened up the piece of paper again. "Your list." Holding it in front of her face before looking directly into her eyes. "I can tell you right now, that at least 3 people on that list are already dead." He said as a matter of fact.

He circled 2 names with his finger. "These two tragically died in a diving accident in Egypt last year and this one down at the bottom I killed myself." He shrugged "Well technically he fell rather unfortunately when I shot him in the calf. Broke his neck as he tumbled down the stairs."

He scanned over the remaining names and chuckled. "Denny Dorado, what on earth?" He whispered amused to himself and continued reading, not waiting for a reply. Then he shouted over to the men in suits. "Oh mister Lorca,.." and the Italian looked displeased over to them. "Did you know? You're on the list too."

He watched her face color with fury as Lorca came over and Reddington leaned closer pointing backwards with his hand. "What did he do?" asking playfully. Meanwhile several men began departing the hall. The African man named Dembe packed up cases of money and carried them away. And the noise of a plane starting arose from the outside.

She was at a loss of words first but as Lorca slowly made their way towards them, she made up her mind to confront Reddington with the truth. "He ruined my father's business by paying him with laundered money. He also blackmailed him over and over. The reason my father even got into business with you and paid with his life!" The tears stayed away as she told her tale. They had been replaced with hatred a long time ago. But it was hard focusing on revenge when she was fighting for her life.

Reddington narrowed his eyes. It seemed new information to him. He was silent for a minute and as Lorca joined with a grim face, it was clear something had changed. He put on a fake smile and addressed him with hostility. "Is it true? Did you rob Sam of his fortune?"

"This was 15 years ago, how would I know? You know how it goes. And why are you wasting your time with that little bitch. Kill her or I will." And she heard the click of his gun.

Then Reddington moved.

She had never seen a person disarm another one this swift. Quick like a gazelle he had Lorca's 38mm pointing backwards and Lorca's hands were slowly rising in defense. "Red?"

"My my Hector… where are your manners?" The man in the fedora said a bit coy. To her it sounded deadly.

Both men stared each other down. She didn't dare to make a sound. The tension was palpable and she wasn't aware at first that the restraints around her wrists had been cut loose. Not before Reddington initiated for her to take the gun. "He is yours Agent Keen."

She hesitated. It surely was a trick. But Reddington took her hand to place the gun right into it and she flinched. Nothing had her prepared for this. Yet her survival was at stake. So it was not trust that made her palm come upwards to take the gun. It was hope that she might survive if she played by his rules.

Cold was the metal of the firearm and her fingers seemed stiff. Her heart was racing, she wanted to pull the trigger on Reddington but she knew the woman behind her was still holding the knife that cut her free. So her arms shifted towards Lorca.

"Do it agent Keen. Isn't that what this hunt is all about?" Reddington said darkly and her hands began shaking. In the distance she heard sirens howl. Somebody must have called the police. The explosions weren't silent and Washington had alert inhabitants.

She glanced at Reddington, looked straight into his green shimmering eyes. And it was strange, like a distant memory, the nagging feeling, as if they had met before.

"Do it Lizzie, kill your first Blacklister." He said again and like a mentor's voice it repeated itself inside her head.

She felt a bit dizzy. All this adrenaline flooding her veins. And it got awfully quiet.

"She can't do it." Reddington laughed "Oh my god." And he shot Lorca himself, right through the heart.

Liz was startled as his body sacked and blood pooled around his chest. Red then motioned his employees to leave the field. "She will be no danger to us. At least not today." He glanced longer than needed into her eyes. The threat was solid. "We leave!" he shouted and suddenly the hall was almost empty.

Liz turned around. "You're letting me live?" and the echo of her question left silence lingering between them.

"You sound surprised." He said and narrowed his eyes. "I didn't kill all your FBI's agents. Most of them killed themselves. Admittingly in an attempt to kill me. "He shrugged. "I hold no grudges, I just like being able to do my business." then started walking towards the small plane. "Besides..." He turned around one last time. "This should be interesting." then laughed loudly. "Sam's daughter." shook his head und tipped his hat. "Until next time Agent Keen, please excuse me, I have a plane to catch."

* * *

_tbc…_


	4. Chapter 4

_A/N:_ I don't own NBC's _The Blacklist_ or any of the characters. Thank you my fellow Lizzington Shippers for all those encouraging reviews.

* * *

_**Her**_** Blacklist**** ~ Chapter 4**

* * *

Then they were all gone and she was colored in the red and blue lights of the police cars arriving the hangar. Exhausted she sank to her knees and exhaled a breath she didn't know she was holding. A tall blonde man came half running, half limping towards her. It was her partner from the bureau. He was banned to desk duty after breaking his leg multiple times in a man hunt. He hadn't liked the idea, her leading the attack alone.

"Keen" he shouted. "Liz are you alright?"

She nodded and when he arrived at her side, he helped her up. An ambulance team awaited her and slowly guided her to the ambulance car.

After that, all happened in a blur. The antiseptic stinging her wounds, the FBI securing the area, a forensic team carrying away corpses in body bags. She had lost 16 people. It was a disaster. All those lives ended because she thought she had it under control. And to what avail? Reddington was gone. It was mere luck that one of her task teams was just trapped under a collapsed roof that had missed them by inches.

And she had been lucky too, she knew that. She had survived. Her head started hurting as the adrenaline wore off and when she was driven to the hospital to get some final tests done, the feeling of relief finally rushed over her. And her heart calmed down into a steady strong rhythm.

It was over, and she was alive.

She didn't know why though. Even after weeks it was nagging on her subconscious mind why he had spared her. And the more she thought about it, the angrier she got. About herself, thinking of him and his motives. Because before she had met him face to face his motives had been clear to her. He was a monster. He didn't care, so why should she?

"Hey, I brought you coffee." Ressler interrupted her train of thoughts.

She smiled "Thanks" and took a sip.

"You ready?" He motioned to the room behind him. Her final hearing was today. The FBI wasn't happy how things went down the day she chased after Reddington. Of course the order had come directly from above but lots of people had been kept out of the loop and somebody was to take the blame. And her report surely must not sit right with some of them.

She shrugged and asked about his wife. The small talk distracted her. She was nervous enough. A tank full of sharks seemed harmless compared to her appointment at task.

"He is still not sleeping during the night but Audrey is fine. She was born to be a mom." Ressler beamed and she could see that he didn't mind his desk duty any longer. Go to work at 7 a.m. and come home at 5 in the evening.

"I'm happy for the both of you." And she meant it. It was something she hoped to one day find herself again. Happiness and family, when all this was over. When every single name was crossed off her list.

The list, the FBI needn't know about. A list she had kept out of her reports. The list that probably had saved her life by amusing the person who was on top of it. Yes she had lied to them all. Every single person in this building. Maybe she hadn't been careful enough.

"Miss Keen? The director awaits you now." Liz flinched, though the voice of the secretary had been kind. It seemed like the calm right before the storm. Her heart fluttered nervously and her face slightly turned white.

"It will be fine." Ressler said and padded her shoulder encouragingly. She gave him a happy but obviously fake smile. Then took a deep breath before entering the office.

* * *

It was late when she arrived home. And she was tired. Her dog didn't greet her by the door. No tail wag, just a silent snoring sound coming from the kitchen. She opened the refrigerator and got herself some leftover Chinese food. A look at the clock confirmed it was way past midnight.

She put the container in the microwave and pushed the heating button.

"_Miss Keen, we are here today to clarify some points in your report and talk about the failed mission to arrest one of the most wanted criminals Raymond Reddington."_

Her clothes were a bit wet from the rain outside for she hadn't bothered with an umbrella. She took them off slowly as she went into the bathroom to turn on the shower.

"_Miss Keen, when did you decide it was safe to access the area?"_

She got herself a pill for the headache and sipped some water before entering the stream of water.

"_Miss Keen, can you tell us again how you got into the possession of the targets gun?"_

The water was hot, too hot but she didn't mind the burn it left on her skin.

"_Miss Keen how could the target flee with you in shooting distance?"_

The soap soothed, she welcomed the smell of vanilla and raspberry.

"_Miss Keen, why do you think you are alive and well today, while 18 agents were buried within the last 6 weeks?"_

Her eyes shot open. The memory of the harsh accusation still fresh in her head. This had been the question that really got her struggling. The one, where she hadn't had a well sorted lie. And it had gotten harder to think about these colleagues after one had died from his injuries and another killed himself seeing his spouse go up in an explosion that day.

She hadn't gone to all those 18 burials, just two. More she couldn't bare. Of course she knew it wasn't all her fault. She had done nothing that wasn't discussed before, but it weighed heavy on her consciousness, that she had not anticipated all that went wrong that day. She should have had some sense for she knew Reddington wasn't caught easily. There was a reason he was still well and thriving. There was a reason he was on the most wanted list and there was a reason he was on hers. And it had been her chance. The first in so many years. And she had failed.

She wrapped herself in a towel and went to get her food. It was comforting. More than the words of Harold Cooper to continue doing what she was doing. That as chaotic as it had been that day, it must have had an impact. And that due to her mission, they had been able to uncover evidence, that an abduction of a high Politician was about to happen. And she was to help to set a trap, so they could get new information where Reddington was to show his face next.

"Hey buddy, are you finally up?" Hudson, her dog, had sniffed the food and came yawning towards the couch where she sat. He begged for attention so he might get a share. "You are hungry too, aren't you?"

She got up and filled his bowl. But the dog whined disappointed as he got some dry dog food crumbs instead of the Chinese.

Liz smiled. "You are right, life isn't about fairness." And petted him on the head. "But I tell you what, tomorrow on my day off we are going to go to the dog park and later buy you some delicious treats."

It was about time she had a day for herself. Although she didn't think she could give her thoughts a rest.

With heavy eyelids she finally climbed the stairs to her bedroom. It was cold inside for the chilly night had been cooled down further by the rain. She didn't remember to have opened the window but she must have simply forgotten. Exhausted she laid down and settled into the pillows, kissing her father's picture and closing her eyes.

* * *

_Tbc…_


End file.
